Episode 1 - A New Bear
Once upon a time there was a bear walking through the woods of Griffith. He was not a happy bear, he was under a lot of pressure. Someone had eaten his best friend "Funny Bunny" also his testicle had fallen off. The bear was ambling along, protecting his recently vacated groin, when he came across a mind cage, filled with the magic Griffith wizard.The Wizard, known only as T'tam, had been trapped in the mind cage by Unitar'd, his arch rival and nemesis.The thing was, Unitar'd usually gardened on Thursdays, but today, he saw T'tam, unguarded, washing bottles. Strung out on home-made speed, Unitar'd cast a wickedly-wobbley spell, trapping T'tam in the mind cage. This was how the bear found T'tam, covered in his own vomit, tattooed with songs written in grade 10, and one persian rug. Mind cages are ugly places to be.
Episode 2 - The Bear-pire Strikes Back
The bear, filled with compassion, love, but not two testicles, set about releasing T'tam from the mind cage. Calling upon the ancient power of Skriptic, his head emblazoned with the Call of U'rath'un'ell'allemet(a mystical power surge, much like poo-shivers), the bear set T'tam free.T'tam opened his eyes, slowly at first, focussing. He looked a the ground, shook his shaggy, shellshocked, shaven-faced(including eyebrows) head, and moved his eyes upward. He gasped, "A bear? Here? How now?". "Brown Cow." The bear finished quickly, a broad grin lurching onto his face. They became best friends, purely because they finished each other's sentences.
Episode 3 - Return of the Testi
T'tam, filled with gratitude, blood, organs, and borrowed home-made speed, promised the bear three wishes. The bear thought for a moment, then, while battering his eyelids, asked, "T'tam, for my first wish-a-lish, I would like a name." T'tam thought for a moment, mumbling, "Well of course you need a name...how about..." Then, he lept up. "Irene! You shall be known as Irene!!" The bear, now known as Irene, definitely thought he had wasted his first wish, as he knew Irene was the worst first name for a bear in the english language."For my second wish," started Irene, "I think I should like a new testicle." "Ahh, the old testicle loss. Plagued many a good bear," said T'tam pointlessly, "I know just the ticket." As it turned out, Irene's balls were huge. More like watermellons than testicles. "For this, I will need to go find at least ten normal testicles, and combine them with dark magic to make one large one. I will need to go away for 45 seconds to find them." Irene nodded, dropping his head. 45 seconds was a long time, in bear seconds. 45 earth seconds later, T'tam returned, a giant testicle in hand. Irene first smiled, laughed, then clapped and danced in a merry circle around the old oak tree. The new testicle fit perfectly.
Then Irene looked deep into T'tam's eyes.
Deep breath.
Episode 4 - The Bearwok Christmas Special
Irene serched for the right words, unsure of how to say what he was feeling. Dropping his eyes again, Irene opened his mouth slowly.Some say, at first, there was no sound. Others maintain that the sound of four seasons could be heard. Whatever the stories, something magical happened that day when Irene asked for the third wish.
A voice, clear, yet distinctly in four parts, begged of T'tam...
"Can we have an extension?"
There was silence all around. Time stood still.
T'tam opened his eyes, as if one waking from a dream. In Irene's eyes he saw the depth of passion, the pain, the torment, and the iris. Deep down, T'tam knew that if he denied that wish, his worst fears would come true.
A bear would kill T'tam if he didn't help the four seasons.
T'tam opened his mouth, and spoke.
...A short afterword, brought to you by Tintin. As brilliant as this story is, the best part of it is that it turns out the assignment wasn't even due for three more weeks. They mixed up the due date. T'tam said "what the fuck" and went back to scraping vomit out of his chest hairs.
